It’s a…

Little hats with pink bows, a long list of beautiful names, a Pinterest board full of princess themed nursery ideas! After only 13 weeks of being pregnant, I didn’t need a doctor to tell me what I was having. Despite my husband being certain (or maybe just really hoping) we were having a boy, I knew it was a baby girl. The heart rate was high in the 170’s, I craved donuts so much I considered moving just so I could live closer to a Krispy Kreme, don’t even get me started on that morning sickness and, let’s be honest, a mother just knows! I felt confident enough to purchase many baby girl items and even start referring to the little one in my belly as a “she”.

At 14 weeks, my husband and I went to a specialist that can find out the sex earlier than my doctor could. We decided we wanted to do a fun reveal in front of our family, so we asked the ultrasound technician to keep the sex a secret by writing it in an envelope. She often had us close our eyes when the baby had their legs open or was in a position that could potentially reveal the sex. Finally, she was finished. She wrote a word (girl, duh) in the envelope and congratulated us as we left. I envied this stranger for knowing what I was carrying before me! I might have even raised the envelope to the window in the car when my husband wasn’t looking, but no luck, it was too thick to see through. 

My mom and brother took the envelope to a party city, where they instructed an employee to fill a black balloon with pink confetti (my favorite color) if it was a girl or green (my husband’s favorite) if it was a boy. It felt like hours waiting for them to return with that balloon but finally, they were back. 

We gathered our immediate family in the living room and everyone pulled out their iPhones and hit record. We nervously counted down from three. This was it!! My husband popped the balloon and BURST! Out came…

well, it was hard to tell at first honestly. The confetti was tiny and by shimmering in the light, making it look almost colorless. My husband and I squinted at the ground trying to see the confetti that was blending in with the carpet. My eyes focused and I realized…

It was GREEN. 

GREEN? 

Wait what? 

My husband jumped up & down and screamed, “YES! I KNEW IT” and gave my belly a big, hard kiss. My mom and I looked at each other, shocked, as I attempted to squeak out, “Oh! A boy!” in a way that sounded somewhat excited. 

I tried to casually walk into the kitchen without anyone noticing and ripped open the envelope (you know, just to double check). It read “Baby boy!! :)” in messy cursive. 

I suddenly felt very annoyed that our home was filled with all of these people and started to try to yawn and act sleepy. I began complaining about my morning sickness and headache and people slowly got the hint and fanned out. I went to bed early but couldn’t sleep. I hated to admit it, but I was sad. I felt so guilty but honestly, I was disappointed. I felt bad for this little *chokes out word* boy inside of me. It wasn’t his fault! But I couldn’t help feeling the way I did. 

I thought of all those baby girl clothes I had and all the times I imagined having a mini-me, dressed in pink, with her curly hair in a cute little style. 

My husband finally came to bed, grinning from ear to ear, texting his out of state family the news. I pretended to be happy and eventually fell asleep. 

The next morning I went shopping. 

I mean REALLY shopping. 

I went a little overboard buying little hats, sweater vests and these adorable little button down onesies. As I shopped, my disappointment faded. I realized that I had created an imaginary daughter that I had been bonding with for the last 14 weeks and once I found out she didn’t exist, it hurt. But that didn’t mean I loved the real baby any less. We just had some catching up to do! Within about a day, I was over the moon about having a boy.

As I write this, my almost five month old baby boy is sleeping soundly next to me. He is the most perfect thing I’ve ever laid eyes on and I love him more than life itself. I thank God everyday for this BOY and am sooo happy he is a boy. 

So in the end, it all turned out just fine. 

Xo.

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